Midsummer Night’s Scheme: Digital Shakespeare
Another day in the life at WDG — through the mash-up lens of Shakespeare and The Twilight Zone. As an homage to A Midsummer Night’s Dream and our work with the Folger Shakespeare Library, we graciously present our latest Feedback episode. And no, it’s not in iambic pentameter.
Podcast Transcript
NARRATOR
It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between the Internet and Scientology, and it lies between the pit of people’s fake Twitter outrage and the summit of Google’s data. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Shakespeare Zone.
Eerie, Twilight Zone-inspired theme music.
NARRATOR
10:01 a.m. — Clarendon, Virginia — home of the digital agency, WDG — it’s Monday morning, which means they’re collected in the office they’ve for some reason dubbed ‘Fiji’ for a meeting they adorably call, ‘The Monday Morning Huddle.’
Gentle harp melody.
HOMI
Welcome to a new morrow, my finest laborers of the house of WDG. Remote Dev team, thank you for joining us through the black magic of Uber conference. How didst thee spendeth thy cherished time of leisure over week’s end? Was it most robust? Creeping on the Gram of Insta, I spied that many of you partook in the festivities of the Solstice. Dearest Lord, any news from the front of marketing?
AB
To post on LinkedIn or not to post on LinkedIn, whether ’tis nobler for your followers to suffer the likes and hearts of viral fortune, or to comment against a sea of trolls.
HOMI
Agreed, dear Lord. Team of content — any news?
ANDREW
Yeah, Lisette and I were thinking of doing this Shakes—
HOMI
Silence, Team of Content! Team of Design?
DARIO
Heavy is the head that wears the crown, but somehow my delicate genius made it able to surely satisfy the client with my Boards of Moods o’er the week’s end.
HOMI
And now, may we all kneel before the developers — we are awash with eternal gratitude for your service most selfless and code from the heavens …
Angelic choir harmonizes.
NARRATOR
11:42 a.m. — Andrew — new to WDG and the digital world and with the unfortunate job of ‘writer’, struggles at his desk to finish his latest.
ANDREW
Endless letters, too many and too few, a ceaseless avalanche of acronyms that knows no sleep: UI, UX, QA, RFP, CTA, URL, PHP — dearest alphabet, what have they done to you? And lest me not beginneth on you, ‘Lorem Ipsum’, oh fakest of fake Latin, why do you mock me so? Why do you stand between me and my own divine purpose?
AB
Andrew, is that blog ready?
ANDREW
Yep .. I’m just … yep.
Keyboard clacking.
NARRATOR
12:01 p.m. — Homi, after getting off the phone with a client, approaches the kitchen to make herself her quasi-healthy lunch procured from Trader Joe’s.
Clanging sounds of dishes clattering.
HOMI
Who doth leaveth thine sullied dishes in thy sink?! A-gain?! I shan’t be your maid or home-keeper! The insolence of this office, of the plates and dishes that stack with no end near! What unfathomable hell! Not even the most wretched knave deserves a sink so fullest to the brim! Why have thou cursed me so? Did thee not see my message on the channel of Slack?
Dishes clatter again.
NARRATOR
1:22 p.m. — Alec, one of the PM’s, has just walked out of a meeting with a retainer client and is — well — a bit disgruntled. Classic Alec.
ALEC
These clients — why do they treat me thusly? I am a Project Manager. Hath not a Project Manager eyes? Hath not a Project Manager hands? Fed by the same Whole Foods? Hurt by the same Instagram comments? If you troll us, do we not cry? If you GIF us, do we not laugh? If you ghost us, do we not wither? Do you know what time it be? I am going to the 7 of 11 to vanquish my sorrow!
A door slams.
NARRATOR
3:05 p.m. — Avik, one of the developers, notices something truly horrifying afoot …
AVIK
(ringing a bell — town-cryer style)
The Wi of Fi is down! The Wi of Fi down and buried! We shan’t work henceforth today! Oh, what terrible reliance! What sweet, cruel illusion of connectivity! Time to fetch a frothy ale of strongest hops!
NARRATOR
3:06 p.m.
AVIK
Oh, the internet’s back? Cool. Anyone want a beer?
A beer bottle popped open.
NARRATOR
3:32 p.m. — Jake — Information Architect — busies himself building one of his signature salads in the kitchen. Dario — Creative Director — approaches.
DARIO
What are thou feasting on, leaves from a tree? Are you some kind of munching rabbit?
JAKE
How dare thee! Sticketh to your garish cans of tuna, ugly dolphin!
DARIO
Base dunghill!
JAKE
Scullion!
DARIO
Bull’s pizzle!
JAKE
Dirty barber-monger!
Dario GASPS. Sounds of a cartoon slap fight ensue.
NARRATOR
4:01 p.m. — Lisette — Digital Content Strategist — while dutifully editing the company’s podcast, comes upon a virus lurking in the MacBook.
LISETTE
Is this not approved the depth of villainy, that hath trolled, scorned, dishonored me! Oh, that I were a bot! What bear in my hand until they come to take hands and then with the fury of the comment section, unmitigated rancor — O, that I were a bot! I would eat its code in the Apple store!
Beep of a computer.
NARRATOR
It is now after 5:30 p.m. — the sun still shines through the windows of WDG but most of its employees have since dissipated. Only one remains — Avik.
AVIK
Artificial intelligence does make cowards of us all, and thus the native hue of pixelation is sicklied through a filter most pale, in this regard their site turns awry and loses the call to action … OGA, why have you forsaken us?
OGA (robotic voice)
Fear not, sweet Avik — time to upload your consciousness from today — June 26th, 2319 — that’s a good boy.
Twilight Zone-inspired theme kicks back in.
NARRATOR
WDG … just another normal digital agency on an uneventful Monday in unassuming Clarendon, Virginia… another day in the life in the misty regions of … the Shakespeare Zone …
Credits/Run the inevitable gag reel.